April 13, 2013

Hello my lovely Ladies!

After a day of break I decided to get right back at it again. I did my morning metabolism yoga kickoff, went to work, actually listened to my body for what was enough food! (I love progress!) and then went to Mom and Dad’s for supper. Now, normally when we go to Mom and Dad’s I have very good intentions of working out…that never become realized. TODAY WAS DIFFERENT!!!! I recently got a book out of the library called Slim Calm Sexy Yoga by Tara Stiles. Seriously ladies, this book has yoga routines for everything from burning fat to smoother skin to depression and insomnia to better orgasms! It is amazing! And these routines are not super long. They don’t require you to tie yourself into a knot, although you may if you like that sort of thing (might be interesting in front of the husband…) and they last no longer than 15 minutes. People like guru Deepak Chopra endorse this book, and so far, I love it. Tara is full of down to earth advice, with positive reinforcement. So I got out the book to show to Mom, and bingo, mother daughter yoga! We both LOVE the squat hang pose. 5 breaths in there and suddenly you are free of tension you didn’t know you had.  Of course, the fluffy Frodo had to make an appearance, but he soon figured out that the loud breathing and strange angles meant no petting for the fluffy puppy.

I’m starting to really like writing these and I am enjoying the increased energy too. Now, if only the weather would cooperate with my wanting to walk to work and begin a running program!

Yoga for the win!!

Rachel

So what do you think? Am I going to be able to do this someday?

Later,

So I come across as really positive, right? Well I’m not. I just stood in front of the full length mirror in my parent’s bathroom. Not having one at home makes it easy for me to forget what my body looks like. I am battling waves of guilt and shame. Ladies, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how this happened. One day I was a happy go lucky girl who just ate what Mom told her to, and then suddenly I am an overweight newlywed with crippling insecurity and an addiction to food. I feel as though I am making absolutely no headway.  

I decided I couldn’t lie in my crippling guilt trying to silently cry beside my husband, so I came up here to write about this and share my weaknesses. After all, this is what the church is for, isn’t it? To share our weaknesses? God gave us each other in order for us to not feel so alone when Satan swamps us with guilt and regret.

I am going to tell myself that this is not a failure. This is an opportunity to witness God’s grace. This is a way for me to experience His love more fully. Because, right at the moment when I know I have nothing beautiful about myself for Him to see, I hear Him tell me that He loves me anyway. That it is okay, because He will let His beauty shine out through me, He is more beautiful than any super model.

I am not giving up. I am not backing down. I saw a picture once that said, “Failure is an opportunity to begin again. This time more wisely.” But I saw another one that made me smile bigger. It said,” FAILURE CAN DESTROY YOU, OR IT CAN MAKE YOU SO FREAKIN’ MAD THAT YOU WORK EVEN HARDER TO BECOME THE WINNER YOU KNOW YOU ARE!” That is where I am at. I am at the so freakin’ mad part I will do anything, no matter how painful or hard or seemingly impossible to change the person I have become.

I love you all very much. I hope there is a little bit of you that can identify with me.

April 10, 2013

Just so you don’t think this fitness journey of mine is all talk and no action, I thought I would post some of my goals and strategies.

My first goal is not weight loss. As strange as that may sound, I am focusing on increasing my activity levels, creating a healthier relationship with food, and building strength, muscle and aerobic capacity. These things have been proven to lead to weight loss, yes, and so it will most likely be a welcome by-product.

I’ll tell you why I don’t focus on loosing the weight. It stresses me out. I have always felt helpless to loose weight, and the only times I have been successful at it have been when, you guessed it, I don’t focus on it. I have had troubles both with being addicted to food, and to denying myself food. Therefore, when I let myself focus on losing the weight, I usually end up trying to deny myself food, failing, pigging out, feeling really guilty, and going through the cycle over and over again.

Three books that I use a lot right now are French Women Don’t Get Fat and French Women for All Seasons both by Mirelle Guiliano and Fitness is Religion by Ray Kybartas. These books both emphasize exercise and a healthy relationship with food. Know what you are putting into your body, and enjoy it fully. Guiliano offers helpful ways to slowly decrease your sense of portion size without feeling deprived, while Kybartas has many good ideas for increasing the movement in your life without feeling like you are going to burn out. Between daily walks to and from work (25-30 minutes each) and daily resistance training (squats, lunges, pushups, and other pilates, yoga, and other inspired moves) my daily time of being active is over an hour. However, I am not active for an hour consecutively, a bit here, and bit there. My walks take me to and from work, the other stuff I do while my husband does weightlifting. And I drink A LOT of water. I’m trying to work down to drinking only water, with the occasional weekend cup of coffee.

I keep a log of what exercises I do, how many reps and sets and will review and tweak them on a weekly basis (a French Women thing).

This is my first week, and while I really feel all my muscles, I actually am needing less sleep already, and feeling more productive and energetic!

April 8, 2013

My body is worth devoting time to. When I count the blessings God has given me, it isn’t often that I think about the blessing my body is to me. But really, my body does many things for me, it allows me to walk, run, play, work, serve others, be tickled, be held, breath, jump, clap my hands, sing, play piano, wash dishes, feed myself, speak, laugh, feel the wind, smell flowers and chocolate chip cookies, among a myriad of other things. I will no longer take my body for granted! As such, I will devote time to thinking about my health and to taking actions that will ensure the future health and wellness of my body.

Ray Kybartas (the author of Fitness is Religion) is very wise when he says that fitness is a spiritual journey. In truth I think it would be more correct to say that fitness is part of the spiritual journey. Every piece of God’s creation sings God’s glory and praise; our bodies are not the least part of God’s creation. Moreover, our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, shouldn’t our bodies be living, breathing examples of  God’s glory and beauty?

Many Christians think that they need to devote so much of their time to their spiritual health that they can neglect their physical health and wellness. I propose that this is a misunderstanding. Jesus never said or did anything that hinted at it being okay to be lazy in any sphere of life. He talked about fasting as a normal discipline of spiritual life, yet in today’s day and age we have almost forgotten the whole existence of fasting and spiritual disciplines like it. Or, if we haven’t forgotten about them, we excuse ourselves from the responsibility of using them because we don’t want to “be too radical” or “I wouldn’t want to seem holier than thou”. Once again, I think this is a misunderstanding of the purpose of spiritual disciplines. One does not engage in them to brag about one’s spiritual prowess as it were, we are to engage in spiritual disciplines in order to build our spiritual strength, in a way, engaging in these disciplines is saying, “I am not feeling very strong spiritually, so I am working to help my spirit be more open and in tune with God’s will for my life and the world.”

As I continue to document my journey from physical lay-about to healthy, strong individual, I want to document the changes this journey brings to my spiritual awareness and journey.

Here is a picture I recently downloaded from google to help keep me inspired.

Introduction

I have always struggled with my body image. As a young girl and early teen, I did not struggle with my weight, but the image and perception of my body seemed to be negative from a very young age. I have also struggled with a feeling of helplessness towards my body and it's shape and size. I remember being at a theme park near Niagara Falls watching some overweight mom's walk in front of me, noticing the dimples on the backs of their legs behind their knees. For some reason I was suddenly overcome with horror that my legs might someday look like that, as well as a sense that I was unable to do anything to prevent it.
I have always been more an intellectual being than a physical one. From a young age I would curl up with a book on a summer's day and spend all day in the shade, reading. I enjoyed playing soccer and softball, but I loved escaping the world around me to explore the wonders of a book.
The trouble didn't really manifest itself until I went to college. There, in total freedom, away from my health-conscious mother's good influence, I overindulged in all foods, both healthy and not, eventually developing an unhealthy emotional dependency on rich, unhealthy foods like cheese, chips, fries, mozza sticks, creamy soups, sodas, and thick dips for the few vegetables that did find their way into my mouth.
By the beginning of my last semester at school I was 40 lbs overweight, and I have been struggling to right the skewed habits and lack of exercise ever since. I was well on my way by graduation, but moving home, struggling to get a good job, working fast food, and the stress of planning a wedding led to a downward spiral that brought me right back to where I was in January 2012.
Today, I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is both supportive and willing to challenge me when I feel lazy. He sees me as beautiful no matter what, but would like to see me comfortable in my own skin, and able to wear a bikini...well, he will be the only one when that day comes.
Recently I fasted for 1/2 a day in preparation for a musical performance during an anniversary service at a local church. During that time I prayed specifically for personal revival, a renewed sense of the Holy Spirit, and for God to use me as a vessel for His work and glory and in the world.
Since then I have been inspired to renew my (waning over the past month) work on health and an active lifestyle.
Sisters in Christ, I invite you to be a part of this journey with me. Please be gentle, this is still a vulnerable area for me, but I would welcome your support and prayers.