Introduction

I have always struggled with my body image. As a young girl and early teen, I did not struggle with my weight, but the image and perception of my body seemed to be negative from a very young age. I have also struggled with a feeling of helplessness towards my body and it's shape and size. I remember being at a theme park near Niagara Falls watching some overweight mom's walk in front of me, noticing the dimples on the backs of their legs behind their knees. For some reason I was suddenly overcome with horror that my legs might someday look like that, as well as a sense that I was unable to do anything to prevent it.
I have always been more an intellectual being than a physical one. From a young age I would curl up with a book on a summer's day and spend all day in the shade, reading. I enjoyed playing soccer and softball, but I loved escaping the world around me to explore the wonders of a book.
The trouble didn't really manifest itself until I went to college. There, in total freedom, away from my health-conscious mother's good influence, I overindulged in all foods, both healthy and not, eventually developing an unhealthy emotional dependency on rich, unhealthy foods like cheese, chips, fries, mozza sticks, creamy soups, sodas, and thick dips for the few vegetables that did find their way into my mouth.
By the beginning of my last semester at school I was 40 lbs overweight, and I have been struggling to right the skewed habits and lack of exercise ever since. I was well on my way by graduation, but moving home, struggling to get a good job, working fast food, and the stress of planning a wedding led to a downward spiral that brought me right back to where I was in January 2012.
Today, I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is both supportive and willing to challenge me when I feel lazy. He sees me as beautiful no matter what, but would like to see me comfortable in my own skin, and able to wear a bikini...well, he will be the only one when that day comes.
Recently I fasted for 1/2 a day in preparation for a musical performance during an anniversary service at a local church. During that time I prayed specifically for personal revival, a renewed sense of the Holy Spirit, and for God to use me as a vessel for His work and glory and in the world.
Since then I have been inspired to renew my (waning over the past month) work on health and an active lifestyle.
Sisters in Christ, I invite you to be a part of this journey with me. Please be gentle, this is still a vulnerable area for me, but I would welcome your support and prayers.