April 13, 2013

Hello my lovely Ladies!

After a day of break I decided to get right back at it again. I did my morning metabolism yoga kickoff, went to work, actually listened to my body for what was enough food! (I love progress!) and then went to Mom and Dad’s for supper. Now, normally when we go to Mom and Dad’s I have very good intentions of working out…that never become realized. TODAY WAS DIFFERENT!!!! I recently got a book out of the library called Slim Calm Sexy Yoga by Tara Stiles. Seriously ladies, this book has yoga routines for everything from burning fat to smoother skin to depression and insomnia to better orgasms! It is amazing! And these routines are not super long. They don’t require you to tie yourself into a knot, although you may if you like that sort of thing (might be interesting in front of the husband…) and they last no longer than 15 minutes. People like guru Deepak Chopra endorse this book, and so far, I love it. Tara is full of down to earth advice, with positive reinforcement. So I got out the book to show to Mom, and bingo, mother daughter yoga! We both LOVE the squat hang pose. 5 breaths in there and suddenly you are free of tension you didn’t know you had.  Of course, the fluffy Frodo had to make an appearance, but he soon figured out that the loud breathing and strange angles meant no petting for the fluffy puppy.

I’m starting to really like writing these and I am enjoying the increased energy too. Now, if only the weather would cooperate with my wanting to walk to work and begin a running program!

Yoga for the win!!

Rachel

So what do you think? Am I going to be able to do this someday?

Later,

So I come across as really positive, right? Well I’m not. I just stood in front of the full length mirror in my parent’s bathroom. Not having one at home makes it easy for me to forget what my body looks like. I am battling waves of guilt and shame. Ladies, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how this happened. One day I was a happy go lucky girl who just ate what Mom told her to, and then suddenly I am an overweight newlywed with crippling insecurity and an addiction to food. I feel as though I am making absolutely no headway.  

I decided I couldn’t lie in my crippling guilt trying to silently cry beside my husband, so I came up here to write about this and share my weaknesses. After all, this is what the church is for, isn’t it? To share our weaknesses? God gave us each other in order for us to not feel so alone when Satan swamps us with guilt and regret.

I am going to tell myself that this is not a failure. This is an opportunity to witness God’s grace. This is a way for me to experience His love more fully. Because, right at the moment when I know I have nothing beautiful about myself for Him to see, I hear Him tell me that He loves me anyway. That it is okay, because He will let His beauty shine out through me, He is more beautiful than any super model.

I am not giving up. I am not backing down. I saw a picture once that said, “Failure is an opportunity to begin again. This time more wisely.” But I saw another one that made me smile bigger. It said,” FAILURE CAN DESTROY YOU, OR IT CAN MAKE YOU SO FREAKIN’ MAD THAT YOU WORK EVEN HARDER TO BECOME THE WINNER YOU KNOW YOU ARE!” That is where I am at. I am at the so freakin’ mad part I will do anything, no matter how painful or hard or seemingly impossible to change the person I have become.

I love you all very much. I hope there is a little bit of you that can identify with me.